Carrying anger, hurt, resentment, bitterness, and un-forgiveness hurts YOU more than anyone else! It’s hard to let go of these feelings – especially when you’ve been truly wronged. BUT you need to – because the latest research shows that some real damage is being done on your mind and body by carrying these negative feelings.
Some physiological and psychological consequences of carrying grudges include:
- It AGES you! Anger, frustration and sadness increase the stress hormone cortisol and this contributes to ageing.
- High Blood Pressure: Research finds that angry, bitter people have higher blood pressure and heart rate and are more likely to die from heart disease. Negative emotions instinctively prepare your body to fight. But a prolonged state of fight leads to higher levels of C-reactive protein that promotes cardiovascular disease and stroke.
- Prolonged resentment can lead to depression, anxiety and rage. Carrying these negative feelings has a spillover effect and affects your relationships with others, such as your wife or your children. The impact is that your social support system starts to avoid you as nobody wants to be around a bitter, negative person.
If you can trace the cause, situation or person that triggers these feelings its easier to deal with these emotions and move towards feeling whole again. However, it’s much harder when the source of these emotions can’t be traced, or lies way back in one’s past, and is a blind spot. Such old wounds or hurtful relationships often have an impact on one’s present – and in ways that one is not aware of.
My own coaching supervisor was able to help me identify how being self-critical was impacting my work. This attitude permeated my interactions with my coaching clients – and also coaching supervisees – leading me to hold them to high standards. A lot of transference and parallel process was going on here – and it really got complicated when I worked with a supervisee who was very self-critical, working with a client who was in turn, self-critical. Luckily for me, my supervisor helped me sort through this tangle and minimize the damage that could have been done all around.
Working with a coach or coaching supervisor can help you talk about negative feelings in a safe and confidential space and help you move to a better place. It can reduce the impact of these feelings on you body and mind. And, help you feel much better with yourself!
Connect with us on email@example.com if you’d like to experience how coaching or coaching supervision can benefit you. We’d be happy to do two sessions at no cost.
Some material adapted from: http://www.menshealth.com/best-life/how-holding-grudge-hurts-your-health