HELP! Why don’t we ask for Help? Help!

Most of us are hardwired to help others – we feel good about it – especially when asked. It makes us feel needed, important, like we’re making a difference…Yet, when it comes to asking for help, we back out. Then we feel weak, scared, embarrassed, wonder what others will think of us – in short, we feel vulnerable. So we don’t ask for help when we need it the most – especially, when we have people who love us, can help us, accept us for who we are. We refuse to seek help!

We don’t want to share our vulnerability and so we maintain a false façade. Brene Brown shares that it takes courage to be vulnerable and to ask for help: vulnerability begets vulnerability, and courage is contagious. She states that we need to feel trust to be vulnerable and, we need to be vulnerable in order to trust. Trust is a slow building, layered process that happens over time. But, we ERODE trust in our key relationships when we refuse to be vulnerable and seek help and support. Our stakeholders can see what’s happening and are often disappointed that they are not reached out to. Over a period of time, they might learn to accept the distance and as a consequence distance grows…all because we feared being vulnerable. We forget that those who love us and accept us as we are can see through the façade of false bravado.

 The distance that we create because we fear being vulnerable feeds a deeper fear – the fear of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable.

 REACH Out! Seek help and support. Lean into the discomfort, uncertainty and risk of being vulnerable.

  Why feel alone? Work with us in personal coaching or coaching supervision to help you start your journey towards developing shame resilience. Contact for details: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead by Brene Brown)

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